It’s time to break the stigma around mental health.
My view on antidepressants might be controversial in the mindfulness and personal growth communities, but I’ll be personal and open with you about the benefits of antidepressants when they’re medically indicated.
I have been developing a mindfulness practice for several years and throughout my mindfulness studies, I found a common theme: YOU DON’T NEED MEDICATION. I stuck with this belief for several years while I studied and practiced every mindfulness technique I could discover.
Others saw me as a peaceful, positive, and loving person who meditated daily and saw the bright side in most situations, but internally, my anxiety and racing thoughts were unstoppable.
I was practicing the “fake it until you make it” mentality, but if we’re being honest, I was mostly faking it.
The Strain of Life and Work
I was finishing up my seventh year working full-time as a nurse in the emergency department (ER) where witnessing death, fear, trauma, violence, sadness, and anger were a normal part of my daily work life.
I have seen things that will haunt me, but yes, it’s part of the job and I would never take back my experience in the ER because this environment really makes you appreciate every breath you take. While in the ER, I was also finishing my master’s degree to become a nurse practitioner.
My new career journey as a nurse practitioner began in a walk-in clinic at the start of COVID.
As an ER nurse, I knew how to care for someone in cardiac arrest, having a stroke, having a heart attack, and in respiratory distress, but the uncertainty of my new role and uncertainty of a new virus in the midst of the country being torn apart by political differences was leaving me on edge. My mind would not shut off.
I was overthinking the smallest decisions. I was worried about bringing COVID into my home. I was trying to meditate, but I couldn’t focus on my breathing. I was losing sleep. My friend talked to me about starting an antidepressant to help with my anxiety, but I didn’t need medication because: I am not depressed, I am mindful, I meditate, and I practice positivity.
In my mind, things would get better as I became more comfortable in my new role.
A Turning Point
It wasn’t getting better. It was getting worse.
So, I gave in and started the absolute lowest dose possible for an antidepressant. I remember swallowing that first pill and feeling like a failure. Like a fraud. A mindful phony.
It took a few weeks, but after a few weeks, things had improved. I was meditating again, but I felt like I had to relearn what I had been doing for years prior. I still had anxiety at work, but I wasn’t overthinking nearly as much, and I was rarely losing sleep.
After a few months of meditating and practicing yoga again, I did what a lot of people do. I stopped the antidepressant.
I thought I was doing great mentally!
Well, I was. But, not for long.
Within a few weeks, my mind was racing, I was seeking constant reassurance and validation from my family and peers, and again, I was losing sleep. Meditation was not happening, again. I was attempting to meditate. It just seemed impossible and frustrating.
With my tail between my legs, I restarted the antidepressant. I stayed on it again for several months but hated the side effects.
Reluctantly, I decided to try a different antidepressant. Within one week, my mind was at peace, which I never had with my first antidepressant. My jaw was no longer sore from clenching my teeth. I had zero tension in my muscles, and my meditation game was stronger than it had been in years. I started to ponder some very important questions:
Why did I choose to suffer for so many years? Why did I not start treating my mental health while in the emergency department? Why is this topic not being openly discussed?
Break the Stigma Around Mental Health
I love the mindfulness, spirituality, and growth mindset communities, but I realized these communities unintentionally create a stigma around antidepressants, and I was suffering the consequences of this stigma.
In my mind, I felt that if I started medication, then I wouldn’t be able to achieve real growth and happiness. I had the misconception that if I started to feel better, then I was a fraud, and I couldn’t educate others about positive consciousness and living a happy life if my anxiety was controlled by a drug.
Do I think everyone needs antidepressants? Absolutely not. I think positive consciousness and spiritual-mindfulness practices are not only beneficial but can help depression and/or anxiety for many people. As for anxiety, I was not one of those people, and it took years of worsening anxiety for me to realize that.
I now realize starting the antidepressant after years of struggling with my mental health helped my personal and spiritual growth without stopping it in any way.
My only goal in writing this post is to share my experience so it helps you make a decision for your best interest and not decide based on misconceptions or negative comments made by spiritual leaders or personal growth communities.
If you feel like you’ve tried everything to feel happy (meditation, gratitude lists, affirmations, EFT, sound bowls, forgiveness, earthing/grounding…just to name a few) and are considering medication, it’s important to realize that the medication is like a personal assistant, but you still have to do the mental work.
The Role of Antidepressants
Starting an antidepressant is not a mental health cure. For me, starting an antidepressant helped me meditate without the internal distractions and without the guilt of having other things I should be doing.
Gratitude is felt more genuinely and not forced when your neurochemicals are in balance. This is your journey. Don’t let anyone tell you there is a right or wrong journey for you.
Key Takeaways to Break the Stigma Around Mental Health:
- Mindfulness and Medication: Mindfulness practices are valuable, but they are not a cure-all for everyone. Medication can be a necessary part of managing mental health.
- Personal Experience: Everyone’s experience with mental health is unique. What works for one person might not work for another.
- Stigma: The stigma around antidepressants can prevent people from seeking help. It’s important to challenge these misconceptions.
- Balance: Combining mindfulness practices with medication can lead to better mental health outcomes.
If you’re struggling, please talk to your healthcare provider.
Let’s break the stigma around mental health and antidepressants while promoting a balanced approach to mental health.
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